addiction

is never an easy thing to get rid off. it's a matter of the mind versus the body (or the heart).

the mind steels itself, teling you that this is a huge no-no. you argue with it, scream at it, kick at it, and finally break down and cry, realising that all is futile because you know ultimately, that the addiction has to go.

so you try. you stop. you pause.

and that's when your heart takes over and the real battle ensues. Because the heart is weak (it was meant to be), it starts to cave in. cold turkey. never. works. and you tell yourself that the no-no could maybe become yes-no or even yes-yes. the heart feeds on hope after all. even if it's the tiniest sliver.

you ask yourself how this all began, and you get no answer. that really, it doesn't matter.

because you're already hoplessly addicted, despite what you tell yourself. that you, the most powerful woman in control (or so you think) has finally surrendered what little control she thought she had to a man.

a man who does not deserve it (then again, which man ever does?)

so you wait. you think. you go cold turkey. you fail. you are addicted. cycle repeats.

you're addicted to him.

You're my biggest no-no.

-Paragraph from a self-authored story.