christmas is in the air

as i sit here at starbucks with someone and listen quietly to the christmas cd they are playing. i wonder if they are selling it. the two ladies behind me are talking about where they are planning to hold their weddings and bitching about their husbands-to-be. one guy sitting in the alfresco section looks somewhat lost, uncapping his takeaway coffee, and then recapping it again. he finally gets up to leave.

of course, the person sitting across the table from me is busy looking through his notes and papers and actually studying, a far cry from the languid me who has a latte (i picked up the habit of drinking this rather than my usual mocha from gaston in shanghai) on my left and typing lazily on my laptop.

it's days like these that make the gloomy day seem a little brighter, that there is a sense that despite being one of the many figures who sit at starbucks, you feel alive and... part of humanity. but there's also the feeling that you may just be one of the figures in a crowd, not alone, but yet lonely.

the deep baritone voice is singing 'I'm dreaming of a white christmas' and i can't help but think of what this christmas will bring me.

a soothing latte for the tired soul, or is it simply because of being in the presence of another...?

we watched

2012 and it scared the freak out of us. but we kinda got over it and contemplated what we would do if we knew the world was coming to an end.

i was asked what i would be doing on the day the world ends, and i said i would be with my family. probably praying for lost souls to turn back to God and sharing the last time we would all be together as a family.

they say being a family is pre-destined. well it has to be. it is a pity that a lot do not treasure theirs. not to say i treasure mine, but i try my best to.

of course an afterthought to the earlier question was to be with the one i love. you know, THE ONE. chinese have this saying that lovers or soulmates are harder to find since there are a gazillion people out there and if your paths do cross, you better make sure you hang on tight.

them again, me being the nonsensical one sniped that if the world was going to end soon, what's the use of studying so hard.

totally ruined the moment.

Falling, The world falls down, falling... in love?

at each turn

of life, different people play different roles. some fade out, others stand out more prominently. some are dropped, others are introduced. no wonder shakespeare once commented that all the world's a stage, and that all the men and women are merely players. '

i thought of a friend, and with much sadness, thought that maybe it was this dear friend's turn to make an exit from this stage which i called 'my life'. Yet, it is perhaps a reflection of my personal growth- that i no longer needed this friend to be my emotional punching bag. Whatever it is, i know that this friendship will always be something i treasure.

ah, the unfamiliarity of helplessness as you watch someone drift further away.

Perhaps it's time to say goodbye... and pray that maybe at the next turn of life we both take, we will run into each other again.

the sigh

of nervousness which will hopefully turn to relief after tomorrow is over.

i never realised how fortunate i was, until i saw just how difficult it could be. it has been a blessing indeed. as i mentioned in my email to damien, it has been divine intervention.

it's tiring.

and i'm going to sleep.

sometimes, i need to learn to lean on someone.